Refinement of conversation is an essential element of networking. The good news is that conversation is an art, and like all arts, it can be learned. First, let’s determine what networking is not. It is not descending on your cocktail party convives, lips ablaze with boastings and blusterings about yourself followed by insincere and patently manipulative emails the next day. No one likes to be “talked at” or used, therefore such behavior will get you nowhere. So how then, should you do it? How do you lay the groundwork for the friendships and professional associations that will help you progress in your life and your career? How do you network? The initial ingredient to successful networking is congenial, intelligent, and respectful conversation. Notice that I did not say “dazzling, scintillating, and brilliant” conversation. I said instead “congenial, intelligent, and respectful conversation,” which is fully within the power of the average person to achieve.
Tests have proven that the words people most like to hear are 1) their names, and 2) the pronoun “you.” In other words, people like to talk about themselves. Therefore, any conversation you initiate should be approached from the point of view of wanting to learn as much as possible about your interlocutor. What do they do? Do they know the hosts of the gathering or any of the speakers at the event? What drew them to their profession or the particular field in which they specialize? What do they enjoy doing when they are not working? When did they start that hobby? What drew them to it? During the course of the conversation, in response to questions or at pauses in the exchange, you may include a few facts about yourself (“I also enjoy tennis/litigation,” or “I am not very athletic/very taken with transactional work, but I enjoy biking through the city/courtroom advocacy”) but then return quickly to their topic of choice--themselves.
Should you encounter that rare bird who is actually very interested in you and your background, do not take it as an opportunity to bare your soul. At an initial meeting, no one needs to know that you are twice divorced and have a five pack a day cigarette habit. Talk about the town/country in which you grew up, what drew you to your profession/specialty, what your hobbies are, why you like New York, etc.
By doing this, you will put most people at their ease, and when people are at their ease, they are usually much better disposed toward you.
Like every art, however, conversation requires practice. But where does one practice this art safely? The panels, conferences and social gatherings offered by Fordham are a wonderful place for you to start. It is my very firm conviction that those gatherings as well as those at bar associations and firms are as much a part of your LL.M. education as your classes. Welcome every opportunity to get to know your professors, your JD and LL.M. colleagues and visiting lawyers. The LL.M. program provides you with a yearlong opportunity to hone your conversational skills. Make full use of it.
“But what if I’m scared and simply not cut out to engage strangers in conversation?” Nonsense, I say. As noted earlier, safe and congenial environments in which to test your wings abound—embrace the challenge. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by forging the friendships and professional associations that will enrich your life.
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